#521
Louis, having been away on a business trip, returned home unexpectedly a day in advance and, as is usual in tales of this sort, found his wife in the arms of his best friend.
He staggered back and said, "Max! I'm married to the lady, so I've got to. But you?"
#522

Johnson was recounting to a friend the events of the previous day, which had been his wife's birthday.
"I gave her a diamond-studded wrist watch as a present, then took her to show, front row center, with a fancy dinner in between." The friend leered. "After that," he said, I'll bet there was lots of loving."
"Not on your life," said Johnson. "I did more than enough for her as it was."