Let's face it. We live in an age where a healthy marriage is even more elusive than a good monsoon.

Personal space has come to mean much more than merely square footage. People could be living in the same room, but operating in different time zones. Chronic snoring can be a deal-breaker . Given such bleak realities that plague modern matrimony, can separate bedrooms save a marriage?

"I think separate bedrooms are good for any marriage, not just those that need saving," says Nandini Patel Mirani, a mother of two in Mumbai, married for 15 years. Agrees Sonica Arya, another young mother, "I think the old system of having different male and female quarters worked well; one met one's spouse in the common lounge area and then went over to either side, depending on one's mood."

Clearly, those who have the two most important ingredients - guts and space - to be able to exercise this option have found that it works. Chennai-based fertility specialist Kamala Selvaraj, an advocate of the two-bedroom theory, describes her marriage with a quip: "We live apart together." She says it started over having separate closets and bathrooms. Gradually, she started spending more and more time in the 'other' room. "I found it was very peaceful and very convenient. As you get older, you want to spend more time by yourself. It's not as if we were clashing with each other in any way. In fact, I think it's a case of absence making the heart grow fonder," she says, insisting that if more people did this, divorce rates would come down.

When the Selvarajs built their new house, they instructed their architect to design two master bedrooms. "You can always have a connecting door between the two bedrooms, and open or shut it as you want," says Selvaraj, "but it is an absolute must to have two separate bathrooms."

A recent survey by the National Association of Home Builders in the US forecast that, by 2015, more than 60 per cent of custom-made houses would have dual master bedrooms. Closer home, real estate agents may baulk if asked to show a 3BHK with two master bedrooms. In cramped cities like Mumbai, even the idea of separate bedrooms is a far-fetched luxury.

Most people have to share their bedroom with not just a spouse but also kids, staff, pets and random relatives - with pretty drastic repercussions on marital harmony. A survey conducted by a family counsellor revealed that most Indian women don't even take off their clothes during sex.

But if they can afford to, and have the maturity to handle it, separate rooms are not a bad thing, says marriage counsellor Dipika Mehta. Once the honeymoon is over, the "toilet seat problems" start coming out of the closet. She refers to the mundane irritants that cause domestic disharmony - the toothpaste cap not closed, the smoker who leaves smelly ashtrays all over, the battle over the remote, the chronic snorer... Mehta says that one of her clients, a light sleeper, spent years battling her husband's nocturnal restlessness, which went from snoring savagely to moving diagonally across the bed to even crushing her at times. Finally, once the children grew up and moved out, she took the plunge and moved into the guest room.

Now, she wakes up calm and happy. As jewellery designer Jamini Ahluwalia says, "People have different body clocks. Some snore. Some may have other embarrassing habits. Why not show your other half your best 'morning face' instead of a bitter, complaining one?"

However, well known sex counsellor Mahinder Watsa has a more old-fashioned view on marriage and bedroom manners. "I still believe in the old saying that you should hang up all your problems outside the bedroom door before you enter it. When you are in the bedroom, there should be tension-free loving communication. I think this still holds true, despite all these modern theories on marriage and individual space."

Many agree that the bedroom is the last bastion of a marriage. Says restaurateur Rahul Akerkar, "If you're at the stage when you need separate bedrooms, you may as well get separate lives to save the marriage." Painter and blogger Saaz Aggarwal asks, "Does one marry only to be seen with the right person at parties? Or to have someone to cuddle up with at night?" "Bunkum" counters the much-married humour writer Bachi Karkaria, "Forget separate bedrooms. Separate flats are even better."

Separate bathrooms = A happy marriage

Of course I was not a cliché . All those poor jokes about men leaving the toilet seat up and squeezing the toothpaste tube from the middle were just funny stories all married people told each other and laughed about. Or were they? Freshly married and rosy-eyed about everything in twos (' his & hers' was my favourite phrase), I slipped effortlessly into the togetherness routine. Or so I thought. My honeymoon of happiness was short-lived . Back from the backwaters to chilly Dilli (it was a December wedding), we rather reluctantly plodded into office mode.

On day one, I magnanimously let the man use the loo first. After he emerged, smelling freshly bathed and wonderful, it was my turn. The bathroom looked like the team from Jurassic Park had just dropped in. The brand-new toothpaste tube was beaten to pulp, the 'hers' towel had 'accidentally' slipped on to the floor, my expensive new loofah looked like it had been strangled and the cap of the shampoo bottle was nowhere to be seen. There was water, water everywhere… And to beat that, the tap was dripping, all lights were on and the geyser was off. Muttering about the mess and gritting my teeth under the cold shower (The rascal, he used up all the hot water), I somehow made it through that horrific morning, managed a quick, "Do turn the lights out, darling" and rushed to work.

Thankfully the 3 BHK house had two bathrooms and I decided on day two that my marriage needed more than just pyar, mohabbat to take us through this winter - and many more. It needed hot water and separate bathrooms. The man agreed. And so it has been. We share our lives, our house, our bedroom (work makes us travel enough to make up for the separate bedrooms syndrome). We share long conversations about work, life and nonsense over extended dinners. When the maid doesn't turn up, we share the housework. But my personal space - and his - begins at the bathroom door. That's one threshold we have both decided never to cross.

this is madness! Why get married to live in seperate rooms?