Hi folk, this is vinod wanted to share some thing with u ppl…

See, during my office time in a lazy or in a free hour when few of my colleagues wandering here n there or outside office for smoking or having a tea, I always used to sit, in our tiny triangular porch like room, but for us it was a handy conference room, reading newspaper or any dusty magazine lying on cornered tea table

Where, I indulged in formal talk with a gorgeous girl .. bole to bindaaaaaas, who too, at the same time, use to visit the same place… Just to sit n talk each other …by the time it became a routine of both of us and later it turned into a good friendship.. even in office..

As a matter of fact, she was so nice so intellectual that I had really been enjoying talking, funning n laughing with her whenever she's with me.... with as little reserve as if we had been children; presuming, she also feeling the same, through her responses.... So far she was child me too, to that extent that after a few sittings even I ceased to be afraid of her.. as if we have resolved to be a best friend forever …..may be constant sittings shorten our distance and freed us from all such worries…or we had been in company for a sooooo long .. or whatsoever.. but it all in our moral constitution … at least I was firm on that line.. b'coz of my marital status.. even I have conveyed her so many times amidst our talks on certain points… so, I don't see if she had any prob. With that..

No matter if it surprise anybody… but I would confess one thing, that may be, by a coincidence or whatever we both were liking each other's company .. and that too whether we have had a least talk or just nodded once during that time…

I know, to say this would somewhat perverse, but I always saw some of her all time best features and was very much impressed, may be you say it was my lill infatuation or some thing like this but as a matter of fact, what I felt is, she should be with growing admiration (but not in obligatory sense) and always encouraged her to do some thing more …

So far her personal life is concerned, she was unmarried but in my compare, she was too younger than me, too much intelligent, and may be looking for prospective groom; At this point I always kept mum.. but all I wished and conveyed her time to time is, she must look ahead and try to search that in her age group.. who is more relevant in terms of her academic and socioeconomic status ... since, by all means I found myself unfit..so never commented on it..

See, as a married person.. me too, had a different and personal life back home.. so, I was neither interested in affair or something like this.. else I would have dared it .. but I never tried to chase after her either in busy office hours or after office hours outside that specific area… so, I felt, this might be in her knowledge as she was matured enough to understand the things..

But after spending some time talking together, I knew that, there was some thing fearful in the reality of it… and it happened.. I just knew from her attitude that either she had been fed up with my co-existence, or she was more under my influence.. that I never wished her to be; She even asked me certain question directly or indirectly something expectantly.. to which I either hardly paid any heed or intentionally skipped to respond or sometime responded just in 'no'

I noticed that, day-by-day she was behaving in very impulsive manner but still then I continued because I knew and even more confident, on her thoughtfulness, that besides all, as an imperious gal, she was, able to dealt with things, particularly when not going her way…

As she was ever best, I don't think if she suffered with any complexity in the past, she was neither rude with any one nor she was an obstinate kinda gal so far.. so I never imagined that she might not habituate listening a 'no-no' more than once in revert to any thing she utters.. but pick this 'no-no' as a challenge and in offence she would think so hard, so deep, until she turn it either in 'yes' … but she did it… she tried it very hard.. to convince me on her point of view;

I thenceforth, ceased to see her, but for some time I saw her daily sitting there may be expecting me to come along.. but I had no more courage to dare a storm.. may be cautious of such a pain that I have experienced for a decade until now after the accidental death of 'loved one' on such a threshold.... which later dragged me to certain drug addictions…and I don't think m still recovered fully from that incident...so, I didn't wanted to see her as victimized with the same pain by me….. Any way things were really out of my reach as a very simple and unskilled person..




See, as a matter of fact, my saying 'no' to her any such proposal, was no way meant that, she has been rejected at a glance.. but I have rejected myself as, I was no way worthy of her.. reasons.. are many..
It never meant that she was not loved but not her way … but she ever took it in positive… as of now.. don't know, how she is, where she is.. because.. we are now parted .. no more even a friends.. no more in the same office.. even where she might be I don't know.. and I know that, I would ever meet her in future.. since my inner sense, my soul would never agree to reconcile to what my mind ordered once..

So, friends.. let me help

If, by coincidence I have to face her at any place.. how to convey or how to convince something really unsaid or unconvinced but still pinching me that;

I ever said her that she was right on her way.. but that no way drawing her towards me… coz mine was different…
I really understood her and even respected her feelings thoroughly but at the same time I didn't wanted to be culprit who shatters her long lived dreams..

I wanted to say her thanks for,
such a wonderful company for a long time from whom I gained so many things that I ever gained instead..
being so compassionate with me for a long... that was beyond my expectation so far..
being so nice to me.. that I have.. ever experienced being with any..

pl. suggest..

??? Hi there, all of u, a HAPPY DIWALI nd best wishes for NEW YEAR