A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he arrived home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further, and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put the little bastard on the phone, I'm lost and need directions."










Gorilla Remover



A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers". He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.

The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.

"What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks.

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."

So the guy puts the ladder up, gets the bat and the shotgun and walks towards the ladder. As he gets to the base of the ladder, he hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.

"If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!"










Old vs. Young


A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.

Old cock to young cock : "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity."
Young cock : What ya mean? As far as I know, you are old and should retire.

Old cock : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?
Young cock : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.

Old cock : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win, you shall allow me to have one hen and if I loose you will have all.
Young cock : O.K. What kind of competition?

Old cock : 50 metre run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 metres.
Young cock : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.

Confidently, the following morning, the young cock allows the old cock to start off and when the old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might.

Soon enough, he was behind the old cock in a matter of seconds.

Suddenly,

Bang!!!!

Before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed" *$@ing *$@ing hell !

This is the fifth GAY chicken I've bought this week !!